we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
