you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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