just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Be still, my beating vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
