bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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