He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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