**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
