her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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