You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I deserve this hangover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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