My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
