When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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