Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
