Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
