i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
