I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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