So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
