Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she told me i tasted like america
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
