somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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