My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
