3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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