Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want to make out with him forever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
