tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
