I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
