Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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