My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
