According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
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Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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