Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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