I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
