sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
