Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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