Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
