If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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