You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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