genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize