Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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