my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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