Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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