I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
