Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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