i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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