Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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