just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
