I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There r osticjed everywhere
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
