I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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