I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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