you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
