just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
