you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
