I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
