carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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