She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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