I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
