i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
