We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
