You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize