her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
