I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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