I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
