I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
