So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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