I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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