ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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