You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
