Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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