Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
