Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
