I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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