Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
These tits shall not be calmed
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