were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
