yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
