I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
