Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Small penises have feelings too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best revenge is premature balding
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
