I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
