Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
