she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How external is "for external use only"?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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