Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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