One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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