So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
