I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
