the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
