what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
