im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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