i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
