That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
