My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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