I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
