the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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