There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
