Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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