Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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