Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can I color on your dick again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
